"abusive"

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Mary tells us that she was in an abusive relationship and that she encountered forms of

• physical abuse
• verbal abuse
• and psychological abuse.

There are many other forms of abuse that are sexual and financial in nature that you may be experiencing.

There IS help: Do not be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help.

• You are NOT to blame. He may be angry or under stress but these are not excuses for violence. It is not your fault.
• You are NOT the only one. Abuse happens to many women of all ages, religions, cultural backgrounds and incomes.
• He has NO right to hurt you. Although people may tell you that it is your duty to obey your husband and stay with him, all forms of woman abuse are wrong.
• It usually will NOT get better. Men who are violent usually do not change. The abuse may worsen over time.

Abuse happens when your husband or boyfriend mistreats you. It takes many forms and has many names — battered women, spousal abuse, wife abuse.

Many forms of abuse are also crimes. Criminal acts are defined in the Criminal Code of Canada, which is a law that applies in every Canadian province and territory. The Criminal Code also sets out punishments (called sentences) for each crime. Below is a list of the kinds of crimes that might be committed by an abuser.

Physical abuse is any aggressive behaviour directed at another's body, such as pushing, pinching, squeezing, shaking, grabbing, biting, slapping, punching, kicking, or choking. It also includes throwing objects or using a weapon. Obviously, such conduct often results in serious injuries, but many women are subjected to varying degrees of physical abuse without suffering physical injury that is visible to the eye.

Depending upon the degree of harm inflicted on someone, physical abuse can range from simple assault to attempted murder or manslaughter, or murder.

The criminal charges that might be laid depend on the circumstances. These include assault, assault with a weapon, aggravated assault, unlawfully causing bodily harm, attempted manslaughter, attempted murder or murder.

The three types of assault are described as:

• Simple assault (usually called common assault). Examples are slapping, pushing or shoving, pinching, or a threat to harm you or your children.

• Assault with a weapon or causing bodily harm. Examples are an assault when you are beaten with a baseball bat, assault when you get a black eye or broken bone, or a threat to use a weapon.

• Aggravated assault is an assault when your life is endangered or you are wounded, maimed, or disfigured.

Sexual abuse is forced participation in any type of sexual activity. No one, not even a husband, has the right to force a woman to participate in sexual activity if she doesn't want to. If force or threats of force are used to gain the woman's compliance, the man can be charged with sexual assault.

There are three main offences involving sexual abuse:

• Sexual assault.
• Sexual assault either with a weapon, while threatening to harm someone else, e.g., a child, or causing bodily harm to the victim.
• Aggravated sexual assault.

Sexual assault is an assault that is committed in circumstances of a sexual nature in a way that the sexual integrity of the victim is violated. Aggravated sexual assault is committed when the attack wounds, maims, disfigures, or endangers the life of the victim.

There is no longer a criminal offence of "rape". It is dealt with as a sexual assault. Sexual assault can occur between parties who are married.

Psychological and verbal abuse is the infliction of emotional pain and suffering by doing things to control or degrade, such as persistent verbal attacks on self-esteem, repeated accusations of infidelity, threats of suicide, control over friends and money, and threats of harm to others.

Psychological abuse is difficult to define as a crime. Certain aspects of the abuse may be covered in the offence of uttering threats.

A person commits the offence of uttering threats if they:

• threaten to cause death or harm to someone
• threaten to burn, destroy or damage property
• threaten to kill or hurt an animal or bird that belongs to the person being threatened.

An abuser might also commit the offence of assault when there is an attempt or threat to use force and the other person has a reasonable belief that the threat will be carried out.

Forced confinement is when someone does not allow another person out of, for example, a house, room, bed or chair for extended periods of time.

There is an offence of forcible confinement when a person is confined or imprisoned against her will. There is also a criminal offence of failing to provide the necessaries of life to a spouse or cohabitee. Necessaries of life include such things as food, or medical aid.

Financial Abuse means having no access to the family's money. A woman may live in a comfortable house, wear good clothing, have children who are well-equipped with toys and luxuries, but have no control over what is spent or saved, over what moneys come into the family, over any decisions about what will be bought. She is allowed no money for personal use. Remember that the law now says that, in cases of divorce, the woman has a right to 50% of the family assets.

Criminal offences involving financial matters, such as theft, fraud or forgery may be difficult to prove in a domestic situation. There might very well be circumstances, however, when what is occurring meets the legal criteria required for specific offences, for example, stealing from a personal chequing account by forging a signature. You can seek advice from the police or a lawyer to see if the economic abuse you are suffering is punishable by law.

Property or animal abuse. The offence of uttering threats includes threats to kill or hurt an animal or bird belonging to a person being threatened.

Damage to property may be covered by the offence of mischief. Mischief includes deliberately destroying or damaging property and making property useless, inoperative or ineffective.

There are also various offences dealing with cruelty to animals.

It is important to remember that whenever a person is charged with a criminal offence he or she is innocent until proven guilty. The lawyers who prosecute offenders have to prove they committed an offence beyond a reasonable doubt. In order to prove an offence has been committed they need evidence. If you are a victim of abuse consider keeping a record of the times when you are abused, when you attend for medical treatment, and so on. This record may be useful in any later prosecution of the abuser.

What can you do if you have been abused?

If you have been assaulted, you can report it to the police

The Criminal Code says that assault is a criminal offence. The Code describes three types of assault and sets maximum penalties (called sentences) for each type. The three types of assault are:

• simple assault (usually called common assault). Examples are slapping, pushing or shoving, punching, or someone saying that he or she will harm you or your children.
• assault with a weapon or causing bodily harm. Examples are an assault when you are beaten with a baseball bat or an assault when you get a black eye or broken bones.
• aggravated assault is an assault where your life is endangered or you are wounded, maimed or disfigured. Examples are when the offender threatens to kill you or when your injuries from the assault leave you with a limp or scars.

You can talk to someone about the abuse

You can tell a family member, a friend, or your doctor about the abuse. You can also talk to a support group in your community. Women's centres and legal aid offices may be able to tell you of other services that offer help.

You can get medical help

If you have been hurt you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency Department at a hospital. If your injuries are visible you can have pictures taken. They can be used in court should you decide to lay assault charges. There are special medical and police procedures for sexual assault cases. For more information, check Sexual Assault and the Law in Canada.

You can apply for a peace bond

A peace bond or 'recognizance' is a paper signed by a person (such as a spouse) promising to keep the peace and be of good behaviour. The peace bond may have other conditions such as requiring the person to stay away from your home or place of work. A peace bond may last for up to one year. The judge decides how long it will last.

You have to go to court to get a peace bond. You do not have to be assaulted to apply nor do you have to lay assault charges. You do have to convince the judge that you have a reasonable fear of the offender. The offender will also be in court.

You can leave your spouse

If you and your spouse do not get along there is no law that requires you to live together. Before you leave you should find out what your rights are in relation to the children and to property. If you decide to leave you may need to go to a women's shelter or you may have family and friends who will help you.

Find a place to go

When an assault occurs the victim should attempt to protect herself. One way she might do this is to leave the home. If she does not have a friend or family member with whom she can safely stay, and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters in Alberta which will accommodate her in an emergency. The RCMP or the police, if requested, will escort the victim out of the family home to any safe place she specifies.

If there are no shelters for battered women in the vicinity, the Salvation Army may be able to provide temporary assistance. It might also be worthwhile to check with the local Crisis Line or Help Line which may be able to provide a list of the organizations that can help during a crisis.

©1998-1999 Legal Resource Centre of Alberta.