Mary tells us that initially she received a lot of support from her family and friends, but since she kept going back to the relationship she began losing support. There are many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships. Here are some of the reasons that may affect their decision to stay. Why do women not leave abusive relationships?
"why I stayed"
Hope and caring for her partner are sometimes the most powerful factors keeping a woman in violent relationships.
She does not want to end her relationship; she wants the violence to stop.
She does not leave due to:
- Fear of retaliation by partner
- Lack of support from the community
- Economic concerns, e.g., where will I live?
At some level, each woman weighs the relative costs and benefits for herself. Usually this process is not organized or conscious. She may have thoughts whirling around in her head such as the following.
If I leave:
- He may find me and be more violent.
- He may hurt other people.
- I'll have to give up my home, all my possessions and my financial security.
- I'll be able to live free of violence, if he doesn't come after me.
- My children will no longer be exposed to violence.
- I will be totally responsible for myself and the children.
- I'll have to admit my marriage failed.
- Where will we live?
- Who will I go to for support?
- I might have to move to another community.
If I stay:
- They say the violence gets worse, but won't in our case.
- The children are being exposed to this.
- I have financial and other securities.
- I am married.
- I have some support.
March 1999
©1998-1999 Legal Resource Centre of Alberta.
